When I was young it was pretty simple to find a girlfriend. You went to the pub, spotted someone you fancied, bought a jug of beer and yelled unintelligibly at each other over the noise the band was making. Then, if you were lucky, she’d come back to your house for some bongs, you’d have bad sex and then she’d move all her stuff into your place the next day.
Nowadays it’s a bit different. Dating via the Interwebs allows you learn more about your prospective partner – before you meet her – than even her doctor knows. Her detailed profile will list her every nuance and peccadillo, and unfortunately, it’s extremely unromantic. Where’s the mystery? Where’s the intrigue in NOT knowing certain things about your date? What happened to the thrill of discovery? The idea of taking a chance on love?
So, with that in mind, I decided to run a simple experiment: compare the results from using uber dating site RSVP with the decidedly non-tech alternative, a “Honk If You’re Horny” bumper sticker (as recommended and supplied by Muzz – thanks bud).
“Honk If You’re Horny” bumper sticker
Clean a spot of glass on the car’s back window, peel backing sheet from sticker, apply sticker to window, rub with fingers to try and get rid of the pesky air bubbles that make the sticker look all lumpy (not a good first impression for any prospective partners!).
According to Cornell University researchers, who carried out a 2003 study into Internet dating, more than half (52.6 percent) the men in the study lied about their height, as did 39 percent of the women. Slightly more women lied about their weight (64.1 percent) than did men (60.5 percent). And when it came to age, 24.3 percent of the men were untruthful, compared with 13.1 percent of the women.
Riiight, time to get to work on completing my profile then.
“Do you drink?”
Hmm, there doesn’t seem to be an option for “functioning alcoholic” so I’ll just put “socially.”
“Do you want more kids?”
Jesus Christ, I’d rather stick a pin in my freakin’ eye!!!
So I put “undecided.”
“What do you like reading?”
A trick question, obviously! “Cookbooks,” of course!
Besides, “Barely Legal Ladyboys” may give out the wrong impression. I guess I’ll just put Thomas Pynchon, oh, and Tim Winton as well (chicks dig him).
Time to check out the profiles of some potential girlfriends on the Interwebs and to hit the freeway of love in the H-I-Y-H mobile.
To be continued…