Spazzed all your money on the share market and don’t have enough for fancy Christmas booze? Don’t panic! We proudly present our TRIED AND TESTED Australianised METRIC recipe for the delicious but apostrophe challenged Baileys Oirish Crème that is guaranteed to put Aunty Flo into a coma without fuss and quickly thrust other family members to undreamt of levels of festive domestic violence.
1 litre of subprime Scotch (the cheapest you can find)
2 litres cream
150 ml Cottee’s caramel topping
250 ml Cottee’s chocolate topping
500 ml of Nestle sweetened condensed milk
Good dollop of REAL vanilla essence
(* Not required for the recipe, but will help prevent stroke/coronary once you start putting away a few DIY Baileys)
Whisk the eggs thoroughly and then add the cream (while continuing to whisk). Add the condensed milk and toppings, vanilla essence and whiskey and keep whisking the motherfucker until it’s as smooth as a leprechaun’s bottom.
You’ll have four and-a-bit liters so make sure you’ve got some containers ready (plastic milk cartons are good). Store in the fridge and give it a shake (not stir) before serving. Et voila!