Iron Deficiency

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Movie Review: Iron Man

Firstly, I’d like to congratulate Innaloo Megaplex Cinemas for managing to show this film without something going wrong. We went and saw Deception (don’t bother) last week and they managed to get the aspect ratio wrong. For the first 20 minutes of the movie it was like watching it through a slit. Finally, someone in the audience toddled off to find a spotty teenager to come and fix it. Some clunking sounds came from the projection booth and suddenly half the movie was projected onto the ceiling of the cinema. It stayed like this for 10 minutes before someone again went off to find a staff member. Finally, after half-an-hour, they got it right and the audience broke into rapturous applause. It was like being at Cannes.

I’ve put up with the aspect ratio problem at Innaloo before, as well as movies being poorly focused, movies shown without sound, and bits of the cinema roof blowing away. Forget about making a movie, it’s obviously a lot harder to show a movie than we think.

Anyway; Iron Man, probably the most overrated film since any of those last three Star Wars stinkers.

According to the gushing mainstream movie reviews, Iron Man carries a “powerful anti-war message.”

WTF? He:

  • Flies around the sky
  • Is a super-smart inventor
  • Wears a suit that makes him invincible
  • Blasts bad guys
  • Drives fancy cars at high speed
  • Is mega-rich
  • Has an assistant (Gwyneth Paltrow) that wears 5-inch heels

Jeez, if I was 13 years old that would sure-as-shit put me off the global arms trade.

Much of the plot revolves around some kind of power generator gadget that our hero has to wear embedded in his chest. This glows brightly like some bit of overt raver jewelry and powers the electromagnet in his chest that stops bits of shrapnel entering his heart. Much drama ensues when the generator is forcibly removed and the unpowered electromagnet can no longer stop the shrapnel from screwing up his heart. Two words dickhead; PERMANENT MAGNET. For a supposedly brainy inventor he really overlooks the simple shit.

Makes me hate war!

Robert Downey Jnr. manages to effectively recycle the character nuances he employed in A Scanner Darkly, which frankly, while being funny and engaging the first time around, don’t really have a lot of longevity.

Okay, okay, the action and effects are good. I’d say they’re worth seeing on the big screen apart from the fact that they probably wouldn’t be in focus. Thus, wait for the DVD release, unless you’re really hanging out to see Gwyneth in some killer stilettos.

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5 Responses to Iron Deficiency

  1. Stik by the stix says:

    The Willster at his ascerbic finest – give us more
    Welcome back!

  2. N.I.C.K. says:

    A post on the quality and cost of multiplex ‘food’ is also in order, as is the ‘grazing’ (and noise thereof) that seems to be seen as completely acceptable whilst watching a film – indeed, why not install commodes in the seat bottoms to really make people feel at home?

  3. N.I.C.K says:

    …unless I’m much mistaken from the publicity shot, Perthetic’s Ubermeister and the Head of the Acme Munitions Corporation in Iron Man are one and the same…? I think we should be told…

  4. mary mucow says:

    self deprecating publicity – better than no publicity at all?
    shame on you willzter – fess up
    RDJnr’s doppleganger?

  5. […] know, I know. I’ve complained about my local cinema’s lack of technical chops before. But I’m growing increasingly convinced that the Greater Union Innaloo Megaplex is some kind […]

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